Stripping Down, a brave memoir by ex-stripper turned mother and yoga instructor, was released last month by Seattle?s own Pink Fish Press. Pink Fish Press was founded by Renda Dodge and is co-operated by Senior Editor Sarah Martinez. It is a new independent press with hopes of distinguishing itself from other presses by the comprehensive help they offer their authors throughout the entire publishing and marketing process.
Stripping Down weaves Sheila?s past as a stripper, along with her more recent struggle with trying to balance mothering a small child while working and caring for her mother who was dying of cancer. What impressed me the most about Sheila?s story is her honesty. No topic is glossed over or left untouched. Along with stripping, she acted in some adult movies as well as had a brief stint as a dominatrix. Knowing she is a mother now, I could easily excuse her from failing to mention this in her memoir. But she doesn?t. Even better, she doesn?t glamorize her colored past nor is she merely trying to arouse and shock us, like so many current memoirs do. Instead of relying on titillation, she narrates her story with honesty and vulnerability. And she doesn?t solely reveal sexy, although perhaps controversial topics, she explores the mundane areas of life as well such as depression, fears about her parenting, and the doldrums that go along with motherhood and caretaking. This is what I look for in a memoir?a willingness to reveal oneself fully. Too many memoirs shy away from such well-rounded honesty and instead want to claim their life was extraordinary in how awful it was without ever making themselves vulnerable. In doing so, we can be shocked, horrified or amused by their story, but we don?t have any compassion nor care about the narrator, because they have not revealed themselves to the reader. As Jung says, ?That which is most personal is most common.?
After reading Stripping Down, I had so many questions about Sheila?s writing process and life in general. I emailed her for an interview and she readily agreed. She currently lives in Connecticut with her three children and husband. She?s always been a writer, but formalized this desire by receiving an MFA in Creative Nonfiction from Hunter College, where she also graduated as valedictorian in January 2002. She teaches composition and creative writing through Hunter College, Housatonic Community College, Kaplan University and the College of New Rochelle. Sheila is also a certified and nationally registered yoga teacher.
CL: Were you already a mother when you decided to write about stripping? If so, did that weigh on your decision?
SH: I?ve been writing about stripping from the first time I danced when I was eighteen. Years later, when my daughter was one, I committed seriously to writing by going for my MFA in Creative Writing. I then knew I would be writing a memoir that had to do with stripping, but as I worked, I discovered the story involved much more.
I never worried about the fact that I was a mother or that I had a little girl. I?ve always felt comfortable about what I have done with my life, perhaps to the frustration of some people. I think having a baby girl was just more fuel for the desire to write my memoir because I want my daughter to be able to read honest stories of women?s lives, even when they involve ?unsavory? parts of me.
CL: Stripping Down not only reveals your past as a stripper, but also about infidelities, body issues, sexuality, cancer, and many other subjects people shy away from. What gives you courage to be so honest in your writing?
SH: I guess I have had this burning inside of me my whole life to be honest with the world. I took writing very seriously as a little girl; I had this feeling that being as honest as possible was the best way to reveal deeper truths. When I wrote about real life, people stopped and listened. It felt kind of like a magical power. If I told my experiences in story form, listeners seemed to understand me better. Perhaps because I was so shy talking to people, writing was my way of being heard, of feeling in control of my life and experience.
Since then, I?ve had this drive to be as honest as possible; I?ve always felt that if I speak the truth, people will care what I have to say. And there?s something more; it is cathartic to tell the truth. If there is nothing I need to hide, I will be free. No one will be able to hurt me.
CL: So many writers become blocked because they worry about what others will think of their story. Do you have a Phantom, as Virginia Woolf calls it, that you need to kill in order to write? Mine is my son?s teacher. I live in fear that she?ll read one of my articles that involves sex.
SH: I think my phantom is plural! They are my grown-up children. The way I?ve come to terms with my concerns about their reading my work, which I?m sure one day they will, is that it pushed me to raise them better and more consciously. It?s kind of like a challenge to raise them well-enough and open-minded enough that they won?t judge me.
Could that backfire on me? Sure. Maybe my kids will read my work and think I?m some horrible person, but I hope not. I can only hope that my honesty will make up for any embarrassment or anger that could arise from the people close to me.
It?s not so much my own stories I fear telling, it?s those of the people who are important to me. That?s the hardest part of writing memoir, having to weigh the benefits and risks involved in exposing others? ?secrets.? I never set out to hurt anyone, but at the same time how can I not talk about the people who affect my life, my story? I try to be as honest as possible while still honoring others? well-being.
CL: As an ex-stripper and now yoga teacher, how do you teach your children about their bodies and sexuality?
SH: I still think honesty is the best policy in these issues with kids, too. Of course, we take their level of understanding into account in everything, but it?s all just come naturally so far.
My husband and I are so comfortable with our own bodies so we hope to pass that on to our own kids by example. I?m always on guard for any discomfort from my daughter?she?s seven?but so far, she?s shown no signs of wanting to be more private. And it hasn?t resulted in my kids wanting to walk around naked everywhere or anything. They?re just comfortable with how different bodies look.
We?re taking it as it comes and hoping to approach all the questions that arise as honestly as possible.
CL: What was the worst criticism someone said or emailed you? How did you respond?
SH: Yes, I?ve been criticized for what I did, but I don?t think any of the external criticism ever could match the self-criticism I wallowed in for years. It took me a long time to completely accept who I was and that all the things I did, even the things that were clearly mistakes, made me who I am today.
I don?t think there?s anything anyone could say that would bother me now, but that?s because I?ve come to acceptance. People may have different opinions, but this is me. And that was me. And I can?t change things from the past; I can just be the best person I can be now.
CL: How do you balance your writing, teaching, speaking, yoga practice, time for yourself and family?
SH: Balance is a daily task that I try to figure out and perfect, but to no success. Well, I suppose I am successful in that I can do many of the things I love in one day, but not every day.
There truly is no way for me to have it all every day in every way right now. So some things are sacrificed. I prioritize and get what I can get done during the day. And then there?s always the nighttime after the kids are in bed. My husband and I sit at our computers working late into the night.
It?s funny?when I was single I would waste hours a day on trivial things like watching television and I?d get nothing creative done. It seems the busier I am, the more productive I become; I think it?s because I understand the preciousness of every minute now.
I probably do need to slow down a bit though. I?ve lost most ?fun? time from my schedule. I need to find small ways to be kinder to myself and my own needs.
CL: What?s next for you?
SH: In the immediate, I am working to learn and apply everything I can about marketing and publicity for Stripping Down. I am really enjoying the process so far. It feels good to promote this book because I feel so proud of what I?ve accomplished. I feel like this is a story that so many women?and men?will be able to relate to on some level.
And I have about half-a-dozen other projects in the works, from a graphic memoir, to a poetry chapbook, to a romance novel. There is this urge in me to try all types of different media and genre to express the heart of memoir through.
I?d also like to teach more memoir workshops and encourage more people to express their pasts honestly, to at least set out on the journey of self-exploration and self-knowledge. If I can move a few people toward bravely mining their pasts for answers and the roots of their journeys in life so far, I will feel I?ve done some good in the world.
Corbin Lewars is the author of Creating a Life: The memoir of a writer and mom in the making, which was nominated for the 2011 PNBA and Washington State book awards and is now available via ebook. Her essays have been featured in over twenty-five publications including Mothering and Hip Mama. She teaches writing and coaches other writers on-line, via the phone and in person in Ballard.
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